Thursday, November 19, 2009
Judging from the many angry and threatening emails and facebook postings I've received over the last two weeks, I've come to realize some things. The first is that some of you just need to effing relax. Im not a blogging robot. A blogbot. I do it when I can, and when I cant, well, I just can't. The second thing I realized is that, like it or not, I seem to have become a small part of many people's daily routines, like a cup of coffee or blowing your nose in the shower. Just a little something you rely on to make your dark day just a little bit brighter. So when I stopped writing for a few weeks, I guess it was kind of a dick move and for that, I apologize. And because I love you all so damn much, my apology takes the form of a cute dog picture (see above). This is something you see now and then on the train and no matter how effed up life is, you just have to smile. And, as a bonus, I give you the passed out commuter in the seat behind pulling a dick move and taking up two seats. Your welcome. I promise that whenever I see a cute dog tucked into a purse or a jacket or a little dog carrier, I will take a picture and pass it on to you, my loyal readers. So there you go. Have a cute dog.
Also... NEW POLICY. If I plan to take a little time away from the blog, you will be duly notified by some sort of official announcement. Something like, "I'm taking next week off. Read a book. Love, John".
So if you're interested, I was away in cold and dreary Scandanavia last week talking to lots of black turtleneck wearing Danes and Norwegian's about graphic design and other such things. I did notice some commuting oddities while I was away, which I will share with you here. First, In Copenhagen, everyone rides a bike to work, which I found inspiring at first, especially when I imagined that, with a little gumption, imagination and some municipal cash, this could be New York. Why not? We could build bike lanes, follow the rules of the road, accept the bicycle culture in general , get the cars off the road and live happily ever after with unicorns and rainbows and windmills and danish chocolate, just like they do here. New York could become the Schwinndy City! And then I actually rented one of those bikes and drove around Copenhagen for a while, and I realized that, first, I could never do this in a suit, which is something I wear more often than not, second, I live about 55 miles from my office, so, well, eff that, and finally, the part I enjoyed the most actually, the bikers over there behave just as badly as drivers over here. They cut eachother off, they ding their cute little danish bells when they're angry, they tailgate, run red lights, and once in a while they smash into eachother and curse in Danish which is effing awesome. So for whatever its worth, a pissed off commuter is a global certainty, whether he's blocking the box with his Denali or running up someones ass with his Trek. And frankly, I like my bike, but I love my Lexus.
The other thing I noticed is that nobody wears ties. I was there for a week, in Oslo and Copenhagen and I don't think I ever saw a tie. I guess we have our business uniform and they have theirs, and I'm not judging or anything, but I'm also not sure how I'd feel living in a land where everyone dressed like Steve Jobs.
Finally, I just thought everyone would like to know that I'm gaining weight. I'm not an idiot. I'm sure you tolerate my blog entries when I try and wax poetic or make some social commentary, but you mostly enjoy it when life is kicking my ass, so this is for you folks who love it when I suffer. Some combination of less sunlight, a love of pretzels, and my large purchase of Toblerone and Gummi products at the Copenhagen Airport Duty Free, has added about 15 pounds to my delicate frame over the past 3 or 4 weeks. So if you see me on the train and I'm wearing the truly lame jean/suit jacket combo, its not because I think It looks young and hip, it's because the suit pants that go with that jacket don't fit right now, so there. Yet another gift for you my readers. A cute puppy and my fat ass. I guess Christmas came early this year.